Absinthe makes the HEART grow fonder?

God, I can be so paranoid sometimes. Why can't I just admit that it's gonna be a good day and find peace in not knowing everything? Sleep is more exhausting than being awake...nightmares of abandonment in the middle of a dark, misty street or standing helpless before a great assuming jury, ready to drop the gavel on my future. I have to know everything. I have to be so sure. 

I can overlook the delicacy of life so greatly that when I have a revelation of sorts, I return to a dilapidated and utterly battered condition. Walking on eggshells is exhausting...having to constantly check yourself and worry of a wrong step or judgment. 

Shutting all the windows, locking the doors...easing under the covers of pretense comfortably and never expecting to be required to feel anything. Left only to curse at the darkness that you've painted around yourself.