Friday, January 23, 2009

Let’s chase moonlight until we fall through a crack in the earth.

I miss the old days of playing in sprinklers, trying to fry eggs on the sidewalk in the summer. But were we ever really children? Maybe we are just trying to make up for all that lost time. Trying to keep ourselves from moving forward, so we try to flip the clock backwards a couple of years. Sometimes it works, but our concerted efforts often seem to fail us. Maybe we will always be the same.

But we are just children. Or at least I am. I have never really known what exactly I was searching for, but I know I believed in it with all of my heart. A sort of blindness that never really paralyzed me as one might think it would.

So many times I have wished that I could figure myself out. That I could give some sort of definite answer as to why I am the way that I am, why I do the things that I do. Maybe I am rebellious. Maybe I just need something to hold onto for more than five minutes…or one more of my mistakes.

My parachute never opened in time. I have fallen back to the earth, shattered into a million pieces. But I can still feel and experience somehow.

When it comes down to the end, maybe it was I who was the impostor. Maybe I am the one who has been pretending without a conscience. 

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