Tears fall like ice on the rippled pages of yesterdays news. Black ink stains my fingertips and lipstick marrs the brim of the half-empty glass on the nightstand. Used tissues and balls of crumpled paper lie everywhere but in the trash can they belong in. Dirty dishes and empty coffee cups are stacked in the kitchen sink, immersed in three inches of semi-opaque water. A porcelain doll from the days of my reckless youth lies face-down on the bed, and an old black-and-white photo sticks out from underneath a shattered frame on the hardwood floor.
What is this darkness that insistently scratches at the door of my sanity, etching pictures of past lives and my many misfortunes? What is this restlessness that slowly creeps through my pretense? I am not that weak. I am not that blind. I am not so small that I would let you in without a fight. I searched through every memory file that I could muster...caught bullets with my bare hands...fought until I had not a single breath left in my being, and I still lost everything. Scars are permenantly traced with dark blue ink on my soul and I am forced to walk under a shadowy cloud with an umbrella everywhere I go. I am beginnning to worry that no amount of human kindness could permeate this shell. And yet, whenever I am with him, whenever I am safe and secure in those arms, I begin to wonder...could love be the tear-down of my guard?
***"Somehow, everything's happening for us now. I don't know why we were ever interrupted, and why all this is happening now. But we're all just so happy. It just seems like a fact now. [Elephant 6] is back." -Julain Koster