Friday, December 12, 2008

A matter of Life and Death...and all that Interference.

"Three little birds, sat on my window. And they told me I don't need to worry. Summer came like cinnamon so sweet, little girls double-dutch on the concrete. Maybe "sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same. Oh, don't you hesitate. girl, put your records on, tell me your favorite song yougo ahead, let your hair down sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams, just go ahead, let your hair down. You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow. Blue as the sky, sun burnt and lonely, sipping tea in the bar by the roadside, don't you let those other boys fool you, got to love that afro hair do. Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright the more you stay the same, the more they seem to change."
-Corrine Bailey Rae

People cannot survive without a faith...something worth believing in...fighting for. It doesn't matter over how many cups of tea you brood. If you don't have something worth living for, you aren't really living. There is a special something within all of us...something waiting to shine from behind all of that pretense. Something that no other human on the planet could replace. We can dawdle all we want...we lost count of the tears and days long ago...but we can't run from ourselves, no matter how far. So we are left to embrace every sunrise. dance in the rain. sing as loud as you can. kiss slowly. love without regret.

If only I would just reconcile. Forget. Then I might be able to release these secrets that I keep in a broken glass bottle underneath the stairs. But I can't bring myself to any sort of verbal language you would understand. Today I went shopping for a Christmas tree an hour away and I saw images of what I could have been in everything as I vainly tried to shove those memories back into the vast file cabinets of things that I should have remembered to forget by now. But I can't bring myself to it somehow.

You know, I don't cut my hair a certain way anymore just because you want me to. I don't pretend to be bubbly all the time just to keep you entertained. It's not like it mattered. You ignored me anyway. And for once, I am glad you did. Thank you for saving me from being everything but what I truly am. Thank you for scaring the life out of me in order to teach me to live.

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