This morning I laid between the sheets for hours, contemplating what new blind turn my life is going to take next. None of this was written into my plan, and I surely didn't expect to have to fight this hard. I don't know what I believe anymore, about the God-bird, about people in general. About myself. Do I even believe in anything more than what I can touch in front of me, or look at from across the coffee table?
I never used to be this skeptical. I never dreamed of everything falling to such pieces around me. And I am left only to sweep up the debris of my past lives under the sofa and pretend like all of this is so new. Maybe it should be, but it definitely isn't. I know that I've been here before.
But don't say you'll love me forever and then try to hurt me. Don't rip me away from all that I've ever known and expect me to be peachy-keen. There are too many secrets that just aren't worth it. And I'll walk away from it all before I'll let you make me hurt the people that I love.
If I leave for a day, you're free to look for me, but I can't promise you that I would look back. I can't promise anything to anyone but my eternal devotion to always care.
I am suffocating in a world filled with nothing but black smoke emitted from the unswept spouts of those who wait for a show that was cancelled years ago.